virtues ...

   "Clarence!  Clarence, they're here!  The police are here and ... oh my goodness, what is that smell emanating off of you???  It's ... is that a woman's perfume?"

  "Albert, you know I'm nervous about what the police might find.  And when I get nervous, I sweat.  And when I sweat, I smell.  And ..."

  "Yes, but you DON'T smell like a woman!  What did you do?"

  "I couldn't find any of your cologne, and I couldn't find mine either.  I found a bottle of something called The 7 Virtues Lotus Pear Eau de Parfum in the back of a drawer in your desk, and ..."

  "YOU WENT SNOOPING IN MY DESK?!?!?  How dare you!  That was actually a gift for ... well never mind who it was a gift for.  I shan't be giving it to them now.  Had I known that the smell of it would make me feel less than amorous, I wouldn't have bought it.  In any case, you reek of an old woman who has been dead in the grave for ... oh, my.  That was a bad reference, wasn't it?  Disregard that thought.   But we will have to do something about how you smell, and ..."

  [Loud knocking at the door.]

  "Damn it all.  Clarence will you get ... no, I'll get it.  YOU go upstairs straightaway and take a bath with lots of vinegar to get that wretched odor off of you."

  [Footsteps running up the stairs.  Slower, measured ones going towards the front door and hesitating.  The sound of water running upstairs.  The door opens.]

  "Gentlemen, do come in.  I apologize for my brother not being here with me to greet you.  He's just run a bath upstairs.  It seems he ran into a skunk, literally, while he was out walking earlier."

  "That's quite alright, Albert.  We can speak with him later.  Do you mind if my colleagues have a look around while we chat in the kitchen?