Saturday

   I had blood drawn (three vials) yesterday for tests that the cancer center requested.  One of the tests ~ for a tumor marker ~ came back already within the normal range, but according to the results could not be relied upon to indicate that there is (or is not) a tumor.  Prior authorization requests have been submitted for the PET scan and a CT-guided liver biopsy.   The surgeon here does not feel that the location in my liver they need to biopsy can be accessed surgically.  It will be done at a hospital in Beckley where they have an interventional radiologist, and the cancer center, also in Beckley, will coordinate it.

   Things have become very real, and also very surreal.  I was quite emotional yesterday for a short time, then got angry at the amount of control I was giving this *thing* in my liver over my life.  Yes, the facts are that because my lymph nodes are involved, there is a "possible" 12% chance of being able to enjoy another five years of life.  There, I said it.

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   But nothing is written in stone, and as my sister wrote on a stone ... even they can change.

   I was reminded by a friend in Texas that I am stubborn.  I have faced "worse" ~ maybe not in the same type of situation ~ but I have faced and overcome other challenges.  This *thing* is not going to define me or beat me.  No matter the outcome, even if I'm not one of that 12%, I'm still a winner because I am taking back control of my life and I'm going to live ~ or die ~ on my terms.

   Sherah, my inner Amazon, Queen of the Parking Lot, has spoken.

    [a long story involving a stalker I had some 40+ years ago, and advice that an off-duty police officer/part-time store security gave me ... attitude is everything.]