very berry ...

   "Clarence?"

   "Albert?"

   "Clarence."

   "Albert."

   [C] "Stop that!!!  I am not in the mood for a game of Marco Polo.  We have a serious issue at hand.  What are we going to do about Mary?"

   [A] "Mary?"

   [C] "Yes, Mary!  The cook!  Remember?!?  In the cellar?"

   [A] "Oh.  Yes.  The cellar.  Did you check to see if she was still down there?  Perhaps she managed to make it out of there ... alive ... and decided it would be a fine time to move to ... Crete.  Or somewhere similarly distant.  Like Patagonia or whatever."

   [C] "Why should I be the one to look for her?  You were the one who sent her down for more jam."

   [A] "Yes, but you were the one who wanted a quadruple berry pie for your birthday.  If you hadn't been so greedy and settled for just a triple-berry pie, we wouldn't be in this predicament."

   [C] "Perhaps.  But you were the one who brought the blasted thing home from school for the holiday, then lost it in the cellar after grandmama fainted when she saw it."

   [A] "Well, that was nearly 50 years ago, AND if you had perhaps eaten fewer pies as a child, you might have been fast enough to stomp on IT instead of MY foot."

   [C]  "ENOUGH!  What are we going to do?  The police have now opened an official missing persons inquiry and I just received a call that they want to come talk to us and have a look about the house since we, presumably, were the last to see her."

  [A]  "Umm, yes, and the keyword there is 'presumably.'  Mary is a grown woman with no reason to be accountable to us for her schedules or whereabouts when she is not under our employ."

  [C]  "What are you blathering on about?  Mary has been cooking meals for us for the past 40 years."

  [A]  "Technically, yes.  However, I was forced to let her go about 15 years ago when we had some financial issues.  I just simply forgot to tell her.  When our finances became a little more ... eh ... solvent ... I simply started to pay for her other bills instead of directly paying her.  It was a verbal agreement that seemed to suit both of us much better.  She didn't have to pay taxes on that income, and I didn't have to pay taxes on an employee.

   "But we can discuss that later.  Right now the issue at hand is the police.  And the cellar.  What are we going to do about that?  We can't let them go down there."

   [C]  "And why not?  WE have no idea what is down there since neither of us has actually been down there since that day IT escaped.  We've had no reason to go down there, and no reason to have sent Mary down there.  There is no proof otherwise.  If perhaps the police go down there ... armed with weapons of course ... well, let's just say it could 'kill two birds' ... or rather one immensely large spider ... with one stone.  Let's just let sleeping cooks lie and feign ignorance, shall we?  For now?"