haunted

Image Source: Bing/Pinterest

 The house was set back from the road, and usually, I could only see it during the winter months when the leaves were missing from the trees.

 It was an old white Victorian-style house and there were rumors and gossip of ghosts.  Most recently there had been the murder of an abusive husband, smothered with a pillow by his desperate wife after he had beaten her in a drunken rage.

 But there were other stories as well.  A baby's rattle that would appear out of thin air and tumble down a flight of stairs.  You could hear a baby crying as it went until the rattle hit the bottom stair, then a deathly silence as it would roll across the floor until it disappeared into thin air again. 

 In the beginning, it had been a house filled with laughter.  Family, friends, children.  Holiday parties, dancing, fancy dinners.  But then there was the market crash.  Savings and jobs lost.  Wars with lives lost.  The house began to take on a shabby appearance as it became harder to care for.  Holidays came and went in silence.  Mourning those who were no longer alive. 

 Depression set in on the people and it soon transferred to the house.  Lost souls that lingered between here and there returned in the hopes of finding the joy they had once felt in the house.  But they became trapped, sucked in by the sadness of the living.  

 Soon the house began to attract those who were hiding evil in their hearts, and secret sins.  The rooms filled with the agony of the living, and it was haunted by time and grief.

Participating in Words for Wednesday here at Postcards from the Bookstore.

sneak peek ...

 A sneak peek at what I'm thinking will be the art and inspiration for the bathroom.  I had four 8x10 stretched canvases and covered them with some fabric I decided not to use on another project.

 With these as a focal point on a white wall, all of the other colors can be incorporated with accessories and towels.  I'm also using colored mason jars as storage containers and a liquid soap dispenser.

 I found a half-storage shelf for under the pedestal sink and used two curtains to make it a little less ugly looking.  The curtains have flowers in mason jars on them.  I might get some faux flowers to put in a vintage mason jar on a shelf.

 The weekends will be for painting, although this Saturday I'm doing an art class in the morning at Wren's Art Studio.  Pictures again on Sunday...

signs of spring ...

 ... as if all of the flower porn catalogs arriving in the mail weren't enough ...

I've placed orders for trees to plant in the (massive!) backyard for shade, and privacy, but mostly for the birds and other pollinators ... [links>] sweetshrubs, downy serviceberry, eastern redbuds, white dogwoods, sargent crabapples, Washington hawthorns.  I know that I probably won't see any benefit from them for several years if I'm even in this house for that long, but we'll see.

Rather than planting veggies in the backyard, I've decided to focus on flowers for the pollinators.  I've ordered a mix of milkweed, mountain mint, lavender, irises, hollyhocks, and double mock orange.

The rhododendron is beginning to bud in the front yard.  It's a small bush, and I'm hoping that with some weeding and feeding, it will thrive this spring.  There are also what look to be daffodils starting to peek through the soil.

I've ordered a mix of foxglove for the front yard shady areas under the windows, and some liriope for a rocky area by the laundry room.  Clematis will be planted in large pots by the front porch to grow up the decorative posts, and also along a trellis at the edge of the house.

I heard something said today on a show I was watching, "Mayor of Kingston" which stars Jeremy Renner.  It was rather profound, and something I wish I'd heard 50 years ago.

"I can't wait to get old. For my mind to soften and my memories to rot away. The hardest thing to do is forget. Forget the scars life gives you. Forget the scars you gave others. The challenge, though, is hiding a few memories worth keeping from your dying mind. Keep a journal, and only write down the good things. Then when the bad things fade away, you can read about the happy life you had."

Made some progress on getting the bathroom painted today, the ceiling is done, and spray painted the light fixture to cover the rust, put a first coat on most of the walls, and patched some holes.  The ceiling fan I ordered has arrived, soon to be installed. I was having trouble finding art work I liked for one wall, so made my own.  Can't wait for it to be all finished and share pictures.

a stranger in a strange land

  The headline was unfamiliar, written in Cyrillic, and I wondered what it said.  В Україні триває війна.  A rogue leader of a country, with no regard for the number of lives that would perish because of his ego and arrogant actions.

  I thought about the summer I went to Paris when I was a teenager, still reeling from my parent's divorce.  I didn't speak French, and even though I was with my classmates, I was still an outsider in another country. Would I have been able to cope with all of the emotions of my country being under attack, losing my home, possibly my family, and becoming a refugee in a foreign country?

  There was a small country parish church I often drove past, surrounded by pine green trees and hidden in a small valley.  I planned to go there to pray for peace for Ukraine.  For some, the thought of praying for a country might seem like a foolish waste of time, but I was feeling overcome with emotion for the children of Ukraine.  For the lost future of generations.

  Моліться за нас, моліться за наше майбутнє. Для дітей. Для сімей. Моліться за нашу країну.  Looking at the petitions for prayer seemed like reading secret messages or taking new orders from some Mission Impossible movie.  

  Perhaps if we all pray for peace.  For the children.  For the families.  Perhaps the world could change for them.  For us.

Participating in Words for Wednesday here.

windows

I'd just settled in for a binge-fest of Battlestar Galactica when my father came in and stood between me and the television.

Closing my eyes, I mentally repeated: "I will forgive this. I will forgive this.  I will forgive this."  Opening my eyes, I glared at him.  "You realize, don't you, that you're like a window and I can see through you?  What do you want now?"

"Let me help."

"Help with what?  Not haunting me anymore so I watch my show?  You do know I've been looking forward to this all week?  Just being able to relax and put work, life, and my health issues out of my mind.  How do you propose to help with that?"

"Tomorrow you will see."

"So now you'll let me watch my program?  After making me miss the opening dialog?  And tomorrow, how will I know it's you?"

"You will." and with that mysterious response, he left.  I spent the next few hours watching a show I hadn't seen since my childhood, crushing once again on Richard Hatch and Dirk Benedict.  I thought nothing more of his visit until I was laying in bed that night and received a text message from a friend.

Come 2 church w/me in morning. want u 2 meet someone.

I rolled my eyes.  My best friend had been trying to fix me up with single men from her church for months now, and just didn't get it that I was happier without a man in my life.

I quickly sent her a text back.  Im really not intrsted in mting any1. bsides i have plans.

what plans?

sleeping late.  taking nap.  going 2 bed early.

picking u up @ 1030a. this 1 is different. not gonna take no 4 answr. just b ready 2 have ur world rocked.

I screamed and tossed my phone to the floor.  She was persistent, and I knew that she really would not take no for an answer.   Once she had actually used her spare key to my apartment and dragged me out of bed to take me for coffee one Sunday morning when I had ignored her calls for a week. 

I had been fighting depression for months since my divorce.  Work was frustrating me with all the demands from clients during the day that often kept me awake all night.  The stress was beginning to take a toll on me physically.  Insomnia.  Hair loss.  Heart palpitations.  High blood pressure.  Weight loss.  

I'd been to see doctor after doctor and they had all told me the same thing.  Get rid of the stress in your life.  Ha!  Easier said than done.  They didn't have the bills I got stuck with after my divorce.

True to form, at 10:30 the next morning, I heard her knocking on my front door and ringing the bell.  I opened the door as I heard her key in the lock.

"You're dressed!"

"Of course.  I didn't relish the idea of getting dragged out of bed again and thrown into the shower."

"Great!  Let's get going, we have time to stop for coffee and donuts at Krispy Kreme now!  I'm so excited for you today!"

Two agonizing hours later, I still hadn't met this magical man of my dreams and I was more than a little annoyed.  As we left the church, I rounded on her.

"I thought you said that you were going to introduce me to someone who was going to rock my world!"

"I am!  We're going to meet him right now!"

"So what was behind dragging me to church with you this morning?!?!"

"Oh, I just wanted to spend some time with you.  I worry about you.  You know, eventually these chains will break."

"Tell me when so I can mark it on my calendar.  I want something to look forward to."

"What if I told you that you were about to meet someone who would give you something to look forward to every day?"

"It's a lie."

"No, it's not!  Look, we're here now."

She pulled into a dirt driveway that looked like it went on forever before disappearing behind some trees.

"If you are setting me up with some redneck hillbilly, I'm really not interested in going any further.  Please stop the car and turn around."

"Trust me, you will feel so differently about it tomorrow!"

"I very much doubt that.  Seriously, stop the car and turn around.  I don't like this at all."

She came to a stop in front of an old pine green house on a lake with large picture windows in the front and back so that anyone standing in front of the house could still see the lake beyond.  There was a beautiful flower garden on the lake side that reminded me of the houses in the Netherlands that had similar windows to showcase their flower gardens in the backyard.  I stepped out of the house, mezmerized, and heard her call out "Yoo Hoo!  We're here!!"

An elderly couple came out of the house, holding hands, and gave her a hug.  "We're so glad to see you!  This must be your friend!  He's going to be so excited to meet her, we've been talking about her all week!"

Just then a tiny black and white tuxedo kitten with a big blue bow around its neck came out of the house and rubbed up against their legs.

I gasped and clutched my chest.  Oreo!  "Again!"

Participating a little late in Words for Wednesday here.

Sunday Selections ...

A collection of random photos that had not yet made it into the blog ...

I managed to capture some computer minions in my office who were causing me Monday morning issues.  Nasty little buggers.

Charlie's Auntie FiFi takes him on adventures occasionally while I'm working.
This was at Lake Tuckahoe.  There was a standoff between him and the Canadian geese until he realized he was outnumbered.

I'm on a Strategic Account Services team at work, which just means that when I send a provider's claim back to be reprocessed while wearing my "sassy hat," it has a little fire under it.
Only now I wear sassy ears.
I take my job very seriously.

This is the previously posted upcycled ceiling fan hanging outside where the crystals catch and scatter the sunlight.  I love it!

Lucy (l) and her mom, Gracie.  I love how they still snuggle.  Lucy will be 7 this October, and I think Gracie will be 9 in June.

This was a previously boring clay house.
I don't do boring in my house.

Gracie, working on her belly tan on a day when it was 11°F outside.

painting again ...

"Cindi always carefully plans out her remodeling and redecorating ideas."

Said no one ever.

The last time I painted a room in a house was ... wow ... prior to 2007?  Then, as now, I get an idea in my head of what I want to do and I just run with it.  Ideas and plans sometimes change as everything progresses when I run into issues or something else strikes my fancy.

 I knew when I moved into this house that I would be repainting the bathroom and kitchen eventually.  The walls are bright turquoise.  I love the color ... as an accent color.  Not to look at 24/7/365.   Plus the kitchen cabinets are painted a darker teal that really doesn't the turquoise.

 But the kitchen is a project for later in the summer.

 I thought (mistakenly) that I would be able to do the bathroom in a weekend.  But I realized today that I would need to change my plans.  This will likely be a project that takes two or three months of weekends.

The paint I'm using right now is a Kilz white, and it would probably take several coats to completely hide the turquoise if I was just going to stick to the original plan for white walls, but decided after just a rough first coat, it is just going to be too much white.

 Enter Plan B Part 1.  I found a peel & stick wallpaper design I liked on clearance and ordered one roll, just enough for the wall the door is on so that it adds a little interest to the room.  The leaf outlines are gray in color.

 Part 2 of Plan B is going to be finding a similar gray paint to use on the two other walls once I have the entire room painted with the white Kilz to help hide the turquoise.  I'm going to get a dark gray switch and outlet covers.  I had already ordered gray carpet tiles to go over the ceramic tiles on the floor.  I hate cold floors at any time of the year.

 Gray is neutral enough that I can add pops of other colors with towels or accessories.  Faux plants.  Art on the walls.  

the wayfaring stranger ...

 There was a time once when the sight of his reflection in a lake so still that it was like looking in a mirror didn't cause him any alarm.  But this time it was like the water was in on the deception.

 He sucked air in thru his teeth so fast it sounded almost like an awkward whistle.  Who was that man looking back at him?

 All he'd wanted to do was claim his place as the rightful heir, but instead, he'd managed to destroy everything he thought he had desired.  Seeds of distrust were being sown, and someone was planting lies about him in the ears of anyone willing to listen.  Which at the moment happened to be nearly everyone that mattered to him.  

 The harvest he had planned on ... a home, a community, a family ... was no longer a future within his grasp and he was ready to just forget it all.  He was torn in half, trying to decide what to do.  Should he disappear yet again into the pine green forest and become a wayfaring stranger?  Or should he fight for what was rightfully his?  With everything that had been said about him, and done to him since he showed up, he didn't know if it was worth it anymore.

 In the end, he chose to leave.  Proving that he was the rightful heir was less important than his peace of mind and heart.  He knew, and that was enough for him.  What the others thought or wanted to believe was not his concern anymore.  He would still have a home, a community, and a family one day.  But on his terms, not on someone else's lies and deceptions.

Participating this week in Words for Wednesday here.

Enkindling ...

 enkindle

(ĕn-kĭn′dl)

V.TR.

1. To set afire; light.
2. To incite; arouse.
3. To make luminous and glowing.

In 2022 a word was given to the church I attend, The Redemption Center. "Evident anointing" and by the end of the year, it was evident we had been anointed.  Salvations.  Baptisms.  Healings.  Miracles.  Changed lives.  It was an incredible year.

This year, the word given was enkindling, and already the year has been amazing with six baptisms within the first six days of the year.

My personal word of the year is "presence."  To feel God's presence in my life, and to be present in my relationship with Him, and in my life.

But I'm also taking on a twist of enkindling.  I want to set fire to my past and who I was before.  I've already burned my jar of regrets, anger, and fears from 2022, but I'm also planning on fully participating in a Celebrate Recovery group that meets at the church.  My "addiction" is to bad choices, and I'm in recovery from domestic violence and abuse, childhood emotional abandonment, and the potential for abusing substances to fill the empty spaces and replace the hurt in my life.  This will be my year of purging my past pain and replacing it with things that bring me joy.  Purging, not just my past pain, but also my home, cleaning, downsizing, organizing, deciding what is unnecessary clutter, what has a purpose, and what doesn't.

What's your word?

Words on Wednesday ... on Friday

"Hope springs eternal ...." wrote Alexander Pope, and it is true within my heart.  While the temperature drops again today to freezing lows for the next week, the promise of the coming Spring fills me with a joie de vivre. 

A new devotion to gardening arises in me.  Trees, shrubs, and flowers have been ordered.  Graph paper plots out dreams and ideas.

It occurs to me that Spring is Winter's way of asking for forgiveness for the cold days.  To rescue our minds from what can be the overwhelming darkness of days.  Hope springs eternal for Spring ...

... and a homemade brioche that fills the house with the smell of warmth, if it had a scent that is.  Hygge.  Comfort.  Home.

The scent of bread brings back a memory of a three-berry pie first enjoyed at a small restaurant in Three Rivers, California on a long-ago trip to the Sequoia National Park with its ages tall green pines.  I search for a recipe and make a note in my planner to make one for Pi day in March.  More warmth, comfort, and the scent of home in the last few days of Winter this year.

Scents can evoke so many memories and emotions.  It is why realtors often feel it is their duty to encourage sellers to bake fresh cookies before a house showing.  A scent of comfort, warmth, and home. 

"Home should be a haven of love. Honor, courtesy, and respect symbolize love .... " ~ Thomas S. Monson

Home.  Our safe places.  Our comfort when hope springs eternal ...

Participating this week after a too-long absence in Words for Wednesday found here.

Wednesday 4 Jan

 This is my friend, Rosemary, who is from Zimbabwe and has been here for the past year working as an intern chef at the resort near me.  She and another friend from Zimbabwe were baptized in the creek last night.

They go home later this month before another internship in Australia.  Another group of "J1" interns will arrive and the cycle will begin again.

Last Wednesday a box was delivered from Chewy.com with cat food and cat litter in it.  I foolishly did not think of the weight when I picked it up to bring it into the house, and so from Thursday until yesterday morning, my back was in agony.  The pain just intensified each day until I could barely move yesterday when I got up.

I am stubborn.  Pridefully so at times, and finally my pain was so great that I reached out to Pastor G at 9:12a to ask if he would send a prayer request to my church family for healing and relief.  It was shortly after my work shift started, and I was dreading the day.

When my lunch break came at 1:10p, I stood up and went about my routine.  Dog out.  Dog in.  View the few contents in the refrigerator, close the door, open it again, decide on peanuts and raisins [I'm not dieting or starving, mind you, it is just the days before payday and what I really wanted to eat had already been eaten].  I went to sit down again and realized ... I had no pain!  Glory to God!

I forget at times that my needs, pains, and whatever else I suffer with are not so unimportant that God does not want me to go to Him in prayer.  I often feel unworthy, as tho my pain, illnesses, and needs are insignificant in His eyes of all that is going on in the world today, and in the lives of so many others.  My stubborn pride has me suffering for days, when all He wanted was for me to reach up to Him.

Lord, help me to remember that in Your eyes, I was never insignificant and never will be.  You left the 99 to chase after me.  Let me always remember that just as You would take care of the smallest sparrow, You desire to also take care of me.

Monday 2 Jan 23

 Sunday was spent mostly at church ... 11a service with a baby dedication followed by four creek baptisms ... followed by lunch at a Mexican restaurant with my friend, Nancy ... followed by choir practice at 5p, then 2nd service at 6p.  A typical Sunday.

I worked today for some extra hours and used the quiet time between calls to finish one of my craft projects previously posted about ... the upcycled ceiling fan light fixture.  I had more of the small crystal beads I could have strung, but to be honest, I think my beading days are over.  At least stringing tiny crystal beads on a clear fishing line.  I have no depth perception, old eyes, and zero patience apparently.  I'm not happy with the solar "torches" where light bulbs used to go but might see how it looks in the dogwood tree before ordering something different.   

What I would like to get are globes that have the solar panel at the bottom, rather than the top like these.  But I'm having trouble finding small ones about three inches in diameter that I can order just four of them for a reasonable price.  If I do have to get a larger amount to get the size I need, I'm sure I will be able to use them in other garden projects, but just don't want to get into the habit of accumulating an excess of craft supplies for future projects [I think in some circles they call that hording].

The blades are earmarked for a future project of painting them with seasonal welcomes, but that is a project for another ... year.

I'm catching up on correspondence from the holidays.  I had planned on making my Christmas cards for 2022, but it looks like I have a jump start on 2023 instead.