Bipan ...

Oliver being Oliver
and eating a faux tree.

    It's finally starting to feel like fall.  The gas heater install was finished this week, thankfully.  The outside plants brought inside since we've already had some night lows in the 30s.

    Two job interviews last week that I'm hoping to hear from this week.

    A few bad days of missing Charlie.  It's been almost a month since he died, and I'm still raw when I talk (or write) about it.  He was a good dog and will always be missed.

Bipan

    Some may remember when I had five roommates back in 2023-2024. International culinary students at the Greenbrier resort.  One of them, Bipan from India, stayed after his training ended, seeking asylum.  He eventually settled in Texas after being in California briefly.  

    Unfortunately, he was pulled out in a random ICE stop and was detained on the 26th of August for no other reason than he looked Hispanic and his visa had recently expired.

    Based on the past behavior of ICE, even if he had gone to get a new visa just before or after his expired, he likely would have been taken ~ dare I say kidnapped ~ in an ICE sweep at the courthouse.

    Bipan has no criminal or traffic arrests or citations.  He was a hard worker, sometimes working two jobs.  He sent money home to help his mother with repairs to the family home in India.  He is a good man and was the most courteous and respectful of the roommates.  I wish I'd had four more like him when I was sharing the house with them.

    Bipan has been kept in horrible conditions while he has been detained, unable to eat much at times because of his faith and not eating beef.  Three times his bond hearing was delayed, and he had to stay in those conditions.  Now he has been told that his asylum petition ~ which was done legally and appropriately before the current child took office ~ has been denied.  He is devastated, as am I.

    I hope and pray that he is allowed to return to India and isn't dumped in some other foreign country where he knows no one and doesn't speak the language.

    The current administration shames us all, regardless of what side of the fence you sit on, it will take us decades to recover from one child's tantrums, greed, and foolishness.  This country was founded and built by immigrants.  We live on stolen land.  Some of you have forgotten that.

                    I hope you have the day you voted for .... 💚Ci

watercolors

 

i think i can ....

 
    I've decided to try and blog on Sundays as a way for me to "vent" some of this emotional poison out of me and change some of my stinkin' thinkin'.

    So, these will be some "win some" "lose some" posts for a while until I have more wins than losses.  Literally and figuratively.  Although I'm not sure how many more losses I can take this year.  Justin and Charlie were pretty devastating.  The emptiness I feel at this point in my life is downright frightening.  

    It was a hard week last week.  Google popped these old photos from November 2020 into my memories unexpectedly and I lost it.  He was about eight years old and I'd had him for just four years.  So stinkin' cute was he.  We were at my cousin's house in Michigan after driving down from the Upper Peninsula that day, and he was a little exhausted and overwhelmed by the new people to meet and their labrador.  A lot of excitement for a little old man and he had fallen asleep on my lap.  Fred had made the comment that he'd never seen a dog fall asleep like a baby before.

    A hopeful job interview turned into a "thanks but no thanks" this morning.  Oh well.  Something better is meant to be.

    I've been working on some watercolor paints practice during the week to offset my anxiety about jobs and other things.  I'll post those on Saturdays.  And I'm volunteering again at the Arts & Crafts Center downtown on weekends.

                Happy Fall, ya'll...💛  Ci

more watercolor practice

 

watercolor practice...

 

Circling

    I've been away for a while ... it would be easy to say (but it would be a lie) that I was working on this or that.  This book.  That DIY art project.

    But in reality, I've been floundering.  Circling the drain, so to speak.

    The September 2025 death of Sue, The Elephant's Child, a blogger friend of 20ish, years rocked my world worse than the death of either of my parents.  I can't even explain why since we'd never met in real life.  Perhaps because it was just so unexpected.

    I'm really good at pretending I'm fine, it's all fine.  But I really wasn't, it really wasn't.

ChatGPT AI sketch of Charlie
Pencil colored by me.

    Shortly after her death, the remains of my nephew were found.  I'd long suspected he was gone and not just on a walkabout.  But it still hurt deeply because of all the guilt I carried.  Did he know how much I loved him?  Did he know I would have done anything to help him?

    I started a job in March of this year that just seemed to feed into my loneliness and depression.  Eventually it became too much for me, and I found myself slipping into a deeper pit of despair than I've felt in several years.  I had thoughts of just giving up, and they scared me.  So, I left the job and began to volunteer again at the art gallery.  I needed to get out of the box.

    Last month my dog had to be put down because he was in so much pain.

    Did he know how much I loved him?  Did he know I would have done anything to help him?

    I'm not sure if I'm back to blogging again.  But I'm trying ...

                                                                                        Still 💔 ... Ci