lost in translation ...

    "Clarence!  What on earth are you wearing?"

    "The family tartan, of course."

    "Yes, I see that.  But why?"

    "Well, I thought I'd see if I remembered how to wear it.  I wanted to wear it to the wake for Mary on Friday."

    "Please tell me you have knickers underneath that.  And remember that we are only half Scottish on father's side.   Mother would not approve of you wearing it."

    "Yes, well, mother isn't here now, is she?  And I thought it would be an appropriate way to honor Mary who actually was Scottish.  Did you know that ..."

   "Oh, blessed joy.   Useless information for 500 Mr. Alex Trebeck."

   "... arse.  I was going to say that the American and British manufacturers appropriated tartan patterns without any regional significance like the Scottish tartans have and began calling them plaid.  The Scottish Gaelic word 'plaide' means blanket, and tartans were initially considered outerwear."

  "And that is important why?"

  "You know, Albert, not everyone wants to be like you and live in the dark ages.  Some of us would like to experience a little more of the world."

  "Hmpf!"