monday part two ...

 

Image Source: WeHeartIt.com

... or rather "anticipation" as sung by Carly Simon before Heinz Ketchup made it more about tomatoes.

  Today's appointments ... one a boob smasher, and the other even more painful ... went as well as could be expected.  The mammogram was actually not painful compared to previous ones, thanks to a new 3D screening process.  However, there were three or four biopsies taken during the "other" exam and those were very uncomfortable.

    I like Dr. Connie.  She is straight to the point, which startled me at first.  She had been able to view the CT images and read the report before I saw her.  But having a doctor come in and tell you radiation is going to give the best odds is not how most great conversations start.  Memorable ones, yes, but not always good ones.  I told her I wasn't sure I wanted to do radiation because I didn't have a big support system here and couldn't afford to miss a lot of work.  She said we could do nothing, I could walk out the door right then, but in five weeks I could be out of work anyway and in hospice.  With that thought in mind, I agreed to do the exam and then see what came back with the biopsy results.

     After talking to Dr. K when I got home, he clarified her "opening statement" can be an example of how different surgeons and general practitioners view cancer.  Surgeons sometimes want to approach everything as cancer until it is proven not.  GPs sometimes want to approach everything as not cancer until it is proven it is.  

     I'm not going to let it worry me until I know I have something to worry about.  Dr. K pointed out some of my recent test results seem to indicate whatever was wrong is improving, but at the same time, he told me there were quite a few enlarged lymph nodes.  If it isn't something gynecological, then it could still be something with my colon based on where they were.  It is unlikely they are related to whatever is going on with my liver.  Between the two doctors, I feel I'm getting honest conversations, and good perspectives. 

    This next week will be filled with anticipation for the results of the biopsies, scheduling more diagnostic exams (MRI and the dreaded colonoscopy), and taking everything one day at a time.

    And yes, Charlotte, I have a dark sense of humor.  Warped, often self-deprecating, twisted, wicked.  Because if I can't laugh at myself and my life, I shouldn't laugh at anyone else... I'd probably need to be locked up somewhere too.  A sense of humor is the best defense against the injustices of growing old.

     This is my favorite card, and I received it years before my retinal tear took most of the vision in my right eye.  One of my surgeries was just before changing jobs, and I hung this card on my cubical wall when I started my new job with a patch over my eye.  My Program Manager, call sign Rowdy, asked me if someone was making fun of me by posting the card, and I told him no, it was mine.  He said I would fit in just perfect there, and my call sign of Cyclops was born.

     Laughter is healing.