... sat down beside her ...

   "Have you seen Mary this week?"

   "Wasn't she here yesterday?"

   "No, she usually just comes on Mondays and Fridays.  I haven't seen her since last week when she came to fix our meals for the weekend.  When she didn't show up on Monday, I assumed she was ill since she wasn't answering her phone either.  I arranged for one of the restaurants in town to deliver all of our meals for the week."

  "Ahh, that's why they tasted so much better."

  "Why must you always be such a difficult arse all the time?  That was really quite unkind.  Mary's meals are quite delicious."

  "Yes, on Mondays they are.  And sometimes on Tuesdays.  But by the time Wednesday evening or Thursday rolls around, they are sometimes a tad stale and flavorless after being in the refrigerator or freezer all week.  This week they have been quite fresh and delicious.  I've enjoyed them immensely."

  "Well, if you were willing to get off your arse and learn to cook something other than your thicker-than-oil coffee, you might be able to have fresh food more often."

  "Humph.  Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?  Have you rung her yet today?"

  "I have, but this time her daughter said that she never came home on Friday.  She assumed she had been staying here for some reason I don't understand.  Why on earth would she be staying here?  Do you suppose Mary has another job that she hasn't told us or her daughter about?"

  "More like she has a secret paramour she hasn't told her daughter about."

  "Don't be absurd!  Mary must be in her 80s!"

  "Don't be daft!  She might be in her 80s but she's not dead yet, and I certainly hope to still have paramours when I'm in my 80s."

  "Still?  You mean you have them now?"

  "Don't change the subject.  When was the last time you saw Mary?  What was the last thing you said to her?"

  "Oh, so this is all my fault?  She asked if we had any more jam, and I told her there might be some of grandmama's in the cellar."

  [Both of them at once.]  "The cellar!"

  "You don't suppose ..."

  "Surely it has to have died by now ..."

  "You will have to go check ..."

  "Me?  You were the one that sent her down there."

  "You were the one that said if we ignored it long enough it would just starve to death."

  "Well, we haven't had any problems with rats in a very long time."

  "I thought that's what we had the cats for."

  "We have cats?"