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Between yesterday and now, I've done a lot of thinking and praying, and talking to God. I reached out to someone to get a ride to the church I previously went to this morning for the 11a service, but when I woke up I realized I wasn't going to be able to do it.
I miss the fellowship there. Tall Matt's ginormous hugs and his wife Pat's smile and gentle hugs. Connie's and Missy's hugs just swallow you whole and made me feel warm. Laughing with Mike about our shared goofy tendencies. Bill's firm handshakes, his daughter, Gracie's excitement at whatever unique earrings I was wearing, or top. We shared a desire to travel and be seen for who we were, not who others wanted us to be.
There are many more, too many to mention. Smiles. Laughter. Hugs.
But to go just to see them, and to tune out the voice from the pulpit because I questioned the motive of the message, the morality of leadership, and the truth of what was being spoken ... felt just as dishonest. There was just so much that I could not align with what I read and believed in the Bible. James 1:26. James 4:11. Proverbs 11:9. Romans 1:32. Ephesians 4:29.
My salvation has not changed since I left there. I have not been deceived by the enemy. My relationship with God has become more personal, and less promotional. I share my testimony with new co-workers and friends who are still strangers about how God changed my life, saved my life, and is in my life. Not to promote a place on a map, but to share how God can also change their lives, save their lives, and be in their lives.
The last few months of being away from the fellowship have been lonely. I bump into some of that church family at times at the grocery store. We laugh, sometimes hug and greet each other warmly. They sometimes say they miss me. Occasionally when I post something on Facebook, they tell me they miss me. Or they tell my friend, Nancy, when they see her at church that they miss me.
But I'm still here, in the little house where I was before, with the same phone number I've had for a few years now. I know for a fact that I miss them. If I had a vehicle of my own, I'd be making plans to meet with them often for coffee or brunch before I started work during the week. To get together on Saturdays for lunch, to thrift shop for craft projects to upcycle, or go to art classes or shows.
But I spend most of my time alone.
This morning I'm also thinking of how alone Christ must have felt in those last few days of His life before this morning. He was surrounded by people who loved Him, and whom He loved. Yet He must have felt so alone knowing what was ahead for Him, and knowing that there was not one of them who understood the truth of what had to happen.
Matthew 18:20 tells us that where two or more are gathered in His name, He is there with us. But then it goes on to say that He is always with us. Look for the promises of never being alone in Joshua 1:9. Isaiah 41:10. Deuteronomy 31:6. Hebrews 13:5. Romans 8:38-39.
God and I are having coffee this morning, and feeling blessed in the occasional aloneness of our fellowship. I'm grateful for the rising of the Son, and the warmth of both the Son and the sun on my face today. I'm also grateful that I'm never truly alone.
Be blessed. ~ Cindi
Heartfelt hugs and oceans of caring are flowing your way.
ReplyDeleteYou are in my prayers. I will add to those that you find good fellowship soon in a church which teaches truth.
ReplyDeleteOh yes the dilemma of going to a church because family and friend go there, but the teaching is not really on the mark ... do you still go there, and so to speak put your name under what is taught there, or do you let your actions speak and leave. I think you did right. Blessed Easter.
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