Tuesday, June 29, 2021

Sunday, June 27, 2021

with my eyes closed ...

    There have always been certain sounds that I associate with different times of the year, seasons, and sometimes places.

  The sound of jets flying overhead will always be one I connect with my townhouse in Florida that sat across the bay from the Tyndall Air Force Base runways.

  A lone trumpet playing taps ... Fort Hood, Texas where I could hear them being played every night from the Army post across the highway.

  I don't think I have any good sound memories from Ashland, Wisconsin, or the Michigan Upper Peninsula unless it was the sound of the frog peepers announcing spring had finally arrived.  Or the sound of quiet with the first heavy snowstorm that muffled everything outside into an eerie silence.

  Here, however, in White Sulphur Springs there are certain sounds that I have already associated with it.  The sound of the train blowing its whistle as it comes into or through the station.   I've become so accustomed to it, that it no longer wakes me.  This morning, the sound of church bells ringing, which didn't wake me but was a new sound I hadn't heard before.

   Sounds of home...

Saturday, June 26, 2021

Saturday ...

   It has been a busy, mind-overwhelming week of training.  At 3a the other night [insomnia] I likened it to high school (or college) algebra.  The instructor wants you to memorize and understand multiple complicated formulas and for the majority of us, all we'll ever need is basic math and a calculator that can do algebra for that one in a million time we need it.  Right now we are getting trained on a lot of different scenarios, with a huge amount of information to look up and be aware of.  But we will likely never need it.  For now, it is really teaching us research skills for that one call that we will need the answers to ~ and even at that, we are probably going to transfer the call to a dedicated team.

   During the week, a city crew came in and cleared out the lot next door.  Completely.  I was devastated that the beautiful flat slate rocks that I had wanted to use for pavers in my future shade garden were thrown away.  Even after I asked if they could chuck them over the fence into my yard, rather than the dumpster.  Probably a few thousand dollars of rocks that had been brought in for the AirBnB house next door.  Now to figure out how to make chipmunk houses for the coming winter in my yard since the weeds, branches, and rubbish was home to quite a few that I could see from my dining room window when my office was downstairs.

    The rose bush has revealed its secret.  The blooms start out yellow, then fade to white with a pink tinge to the edges.  Now that the lot next door is cleared, it may get more sun and thrive.  I'm almost (almost) guilted into raking and cleaning up my yard this weekend, but with temps and humidity in the upper 80s, I think I will work inside the house and finally get my dining room and office in order.  Raking can wait for a few months until the temps drop and my shade garden plant order has arrived.  I'll clear out the dead leaves and fallen branches from the past few years, get my planting done, then let the new fall leaves mulch in for winter.

  I may see what a bag of Quick Crete costs to make some of my own pavers, using the ones broken in April, and maybe some other decorative broken dishes.  I haven't decided what do to about an angel garden here, and have been thinking about getting a large wine cask half made of resin to use on the patio so that I can keep a garden in sight.  I could plant shade perennial flowers in it that will bloom throughout the season, and have also been thinking of putting Trooper and Oreo's ashes in the bottom of it before I plant.  My intentions originally were to have my ashes mingled with theirs and then scattered, but since my ashes will not come back to anyone, there is no point in waiting.  I don't anticipate moving again before I die.

  Since my office is now upstairs, and bird-watching not as frequent, I'm moving some of the feeders to the front yard where the futon sits by a window for the cats to people watch.  Gracie likes to nap in the afternoon sun there, and it has become a convenient place for me to take off shoes or boots when I come in.  I need to get attractive coat hooks for the wall, and my entryway will be complete.

  Healthwise, my weight has been holding, fluctuating up and down by one pound.  Gastro discomfort and inconveniences continue.  Tongue ulcers have beaten me into defeat and I asked my doctor for a steroid ointment because the Orajel is not numbing them long enough and they are taking longer to heal and disappear.  Afternoon fevers and night sweats continue.   Occasional lightheadedness and exhaustion.  Naps are being added to my weekend agendas.  The CT scans scheduled for the 13th cannot come soon enough.  I'm ready for some answers.

Friday, June 18, 2021

wait ... what???


   The climbing rose bush that ended up being 100% in the shade is still hanging in there and has even started to bloom.  But that's where it gets weird.

  As you can see in the photo here, there is an obvious yellow rose on it.  In the lower-left, you might be able to see the white rose that I shared a picture of yesterday.

  Wait.  White?  On a yellow rose bush?  Yeppers.  Even from the same main branch of the bush.

  The white doesn't appear to have been grafted, but it also appears to be more of a "climber" than the yellow one does in that it is a little more flexible and would be easier to gently tie to the fence to encourage an upward momentum.

  The yellow one would almost be perfect to be cut for a bud vase.

  I think I have a very confused rose bush that can't decide what it wants to be.  If it starts blooming pink and red as well, I don't think I will be surprised.

almost midnight on a thursday ...

Token flower photo
inserted here
just to keep from being
boring.
  I'm having trouble sleeping lately.  Tho tonight I suspect it is because I walked to Main Street for their Thursday festivities, and then ate far too much.  I've not had an appetite either lately and only ate so much because I was paying for it, and knew the leftovers wouldn't reheat well.   I also knew I would have to take one of my meds when I got home that does better on a full stomach.
  
  In a sense, I was rebelling against my continued weight loss.  Seven and a half pounds down in the last ten days.  The size 12 jeans I was so thrilled to fit into just a few months ago, now are practically falling off me.  I can pull them down without unbuttoning or unzipping.  I wore leggings today, only because I didn't want my jeans to fall off before I got to town.

  Despite what the doctor ISN'T saying, I've begun to realize that whatever "this" is, it isn't good.  I can read between the lines of the referrals to specialists that he has been giving me, and when the word malignant is used as something they need to be looking for ... well, it is what it is.

  To be honest, I'm a bit relieved.  I think I really stopped living the day Trooper died and just began existing as a placeholder in time and space.  I've selected a couple to share my living will responsibilities and medical directives.  I've made my wishes known to my doctor.  But I am not suicidal.  What I am is at peace with it, and I don't want to spend whatever time, even if years, puking my guts out from chemo or radiation.  What a miserable way to live ... or die.

  Priorities change when you realize that life may be shorter than expected.  Choosing joy, choosing laughter, become more of a priority.  Eliminating negativity ... including toxic people ... doing the things I choose to do and not being manipulated into feeling guilty for them ....  Things I wish I had done sooner, but some lessons we have to learn the hard way in order to appreciate the good when it comes.

  I don't want the blog to become a downer to read, so will try not to dwell on this very often.  I've decided to start a "mid-year resolution" and do some home cooking on Sundays, trying the many recipes I tear out of my magazines every month.  A new friend, Annie, and her son may join me occasionally.  My bucket list is a work in progress, tho I'm certain that some things I will never be able to do.  Instead, I may just decide to wing it and see where life continues to take me.

  Last night when I was struggling to fall asleep, my brain kept circling the drain with the "alone" demons and the temptation to hate and blame *him.*  Eventually, I was able to fall asleep and had a rather pleasant dream of wearing a straw cowboy hat, holding hands, and flirting with a man who bore a resemblance to Matthew McConaughey while listening to music at a festival much like tonight.

  My first thought when I woke up was "Damn.  I need to get me a straw hat."

  Choose joy.  Choose laughter.

Sunday, June 13, 2021

blah, blah, blah ...

   A boring post without photos because I've been working like crazy, and it has been raining like tigers and wolves this week, so my flowers are all sad-looking but well hydrated.

  Doctor visit this past Wednesday.  More blood tests ~ six vials and two culture bottles!  I'm surprised I had blood left!  Some of the tests have come back, highs and lows.  A new medication for my diabetes.  Add an iron supplement, stop a B one.  Referrals to three other specialists, two CT scans, colonoscopy, mammogram ... the usual tortures.  I suspect he suspects it is cancer, but I'm not jumping to any conclusions and will wait to see how things play out.  I continue to lose weight without trying, and now weigh less than I have in the past 35 years, maybe longer.  Almost 16# in just over two months. 

  Because I start training for a new job tomorrow, I cannot miss any time from work until training is over in about two and a half weeks.  Even then, I don't want to take more than one day off a month unless I have no options.

  I did spot a new "neighbor" sneaking off the back patio the other morning ... a [short tail shrew] ... and the night before there was another animal on the patio that I did not see or hear, but Charlie did.  Baby bird grackle flew the nest just a few days after rescue, and while I'm happy for it, I was disappointed to have missed that first flight.  I also have a very cheeky small red squirrel that jumps up onto the chair closest to the kitchen door to give me a "wassssup" look before I let Charlie out.  It is much cuter than the fat grey squirrel that has chewed a larger opening in the plastic on my favorite feeder.

  I decided not to attend the Renaissance Festival in nearby Lewisburg this year.  The weather is hot, humid, and too many thunderstorms with wild lightning.  I also noticed in photos posted on social media that it did not appear to be a festival of creativity and/or anachronisms, but more of a festival of "how creative can the women be in minimal clothing while still being a 'family-friendly' event."  I didn't want to spend the time miserably hot and sweaty, nor the money to walk through the gate only to turn and walk out shortly thereafter.

  Until next time ... and hopefully with photos.

Tuesday, June 8, 2021

Operation BBR

   Yesterday evening we had a very severe thunderstorm.  Charlie did a wonderful beep beep roadrunner impression when I opened the back door so he could go potty during one of the breaks in the storm, but he refused to go out and was quite disappointed when I informed him that "looking" outside was not the same as "going" outside and actually "going" potty so there were no treat rewards for a job well done.

  The storm knocked me offline for about an hour of work, and there was a lightning strike in one of the neighboring yards.  I hate when they are that close.

  This morning I realized that there was a flowering tree in the yard next door, and so wandered over to take a few pictures.  I think, but am not positive, that it is a dogwood tree, which if it is I'm quite excited about.  When taking the close-up of one of the blossoms, I had not realized there was a large bug of some kind on it, and probably would have chosen a different blossom to focus on if I had.

  Walking back, I discovered a nest and baby bird that had been blown out of a tree during the storm, and so Operation Baby Bird Rescue began.  I first moved it to the top of an old post to get it off the ground and away from the neighborhood cats that roam (and had already killed a cardinal fledgling in my yard).   It was close to where it had originally fallen.  But that left it exposed to the elements, including the hot sun, and the risk of drowning if the forecast storms the rest of the week held true and the bottom of the nest washed out since the post is hollow and already almost full of water.  Plus I was not able to see if one of the parents returned to feed it.

  I purchased a hanging fern and put it in the top of that where it would be secure, and hung it in one of the trees off the patio where the parents could see and hear it.  I can also see it from the kitchen door window to see if they come back for it.

  There were some very noisy common grackles that dive-bombed Charlie at one point yesterday evening and were fussing at me when I moved it to the tree so I suspect they are the parents.   Baby becomes active and vocal when they are near, so I am leaving it there and keeping my fingers crossed.

  UPDATE:  Yay!  Parents are feeding it now where it is hanging in the trees, and they are common grackles!  I don't have to cut up worms!

  While watching to see if the parents came back, I was also watching a very funny little squirrel that was stealing seeds and burying them in the yard.  She would dig a small hole, put the seeds in, then pat the dirt back over it again as if she was patting a bowl of bread dough to see if it had risen properly.

  I need to stop procrastinating and get down to the business of moving my office upstairs.  I start training for a new project next week, and while I will have weekends off, I don't want to do it next Sunday.  I could wait a few more months, but the clutter right now is impacting my mental state.  I was awake at 4a this morning thinking about it, and not for the first time in the past few months.  Once I get it upstairs, I can close that door when I am done working and don't have to walk "through" my office on my off days.  Plus, I've been dealing with consistent fevers in the late afternoons and evenings, and don't want to be lugging boxes, tubs, and my desk upstairs when they start today.

Sunday, June 6, 2021

Sundays ...

   I've decided that Sundays are going to be more rest and less "work," other than what must be done.  This morning, Charlie and I ran an errand, then came home to fix lunch.  The weather was too hot by then for Charlie to go on any other adventures, so I left him at home and ran another errand before I decided to do a walkabout at The Greenbrier Resort.

  My photo on the left, and a postcard on the right.  The sky was overcast and I wasn't sure if the beauty of the place would really shine.  We are forecast to have rain and thunderstorms all week, which I'm looking forward to.

  The inside was just gorgeous, tho I kept hearing Robin Leach's voice from Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous reminding me that I have champagne wishes, caviar dreams, and a cheap beer budget.


  There were painted murals on several of the lobby walls that depicted scenes from America's early history, and ties to The Greenbrier's presidential past and history.

  I did buy a calendar for next year, but only because it had some amazing-sounding recipes in it that I can't wait to try.  Especially the crusted trout filet!  There are several restaurants at the resort, and I think I will make it a goal to eat at all of them at least once.  Special occasions.  Like Sundays ...

Saturday, June 5, 2021

Friday ...


   One of the things I like about planting bulbs randomly in a garden bed is the excitement that comes when they start to bloom.  I've long lost the picture showing me what they will look like, and have recycled the brain cells that would have remembered what I ordered.  So they come up as a mystery and each bloom is a new surprise.

  Some of the buds that have not yet opened appear to be white and yellow flowers.  The image to the right doesn't show the delicate pink of the blossom.

  Several weeks ago I was given some nearly dead hostas that were not happy about having been planted in full sun.  I moved them to a shady area on the side of the house and they have just exploded with happiness.  I've already put in an order for more to plant this fall, (shame on flower porn brochures and catalogs) along with some ferns and other shade-loving flowers.  Eventually, I want to put down rocks and paver stones for a walkway but would like to somehow get a fence up first.

  I have wish-listed some whimsical gnomes and rabbits, which is why I'd like to have a fence up before investing in decorating the area.  It won't work to put anything solar out there because it really won't get any sun until autumn and winter when the leaves on the trees fall.  Thankfully, the owners of the empty lot next door have been working to get it cleaned up and I'm grateful for that.  It's a slow process because it appears just one young man has been doing the work, and I think there was several years worth of accumulation in the lot between weeds, dead branches, and junk.

  The climbing rose bush I planted before I realized that the side yard would be completely shaded in the summer refuses to give up and is even putting out buds for flowers a little unexpectedly.  I'm calling her Amazon Rose.  I don't remember what color the blooms will be so it will be another surprise.

     There is a tuxedo cat that lives next door that I have a wave~wide eye relationship with.  I wave and she looks at me with wide eyes wondering why the crazy lady next door is waving.  They also have a small terrier type of dog named Molly, whom Charlie insists on getting into a barking argument with whenever she is in the window.

  The cat reminds me of my Oreo, and makes me miss him.  I suppose one day when Gracie has gone, I may get another tuxedo kitten to keep Lucy entertained.  But I will have to see how the health issues play out.

  One of the many odd health issue symptoms I've been having are ulcers on my tongue and throat which make talking very painful at times.   Since my job entails me talking all day on the phone, it can be very exhausting at the end of ten hours.  Currently I have a rather large ulcer on the left side of my tongue, which prefers that I do not talk (or eat), but silence isn't an option until Sunday at the earliest, and not eating is not an option.  The doctor has tested them and is not sure what is causing them.  The three blood tests done the last time I saw him were all to check for auto-immune/cancer issues.  All three came back high, one extremely higher than the others.  I had to wait for more comprehensive insurance to start at the beginning of this month before we can pursue other definitive tests, which will begin this coming Wednesday.

  I'm just so tired.

Tuesday, June 1, 2021

trunk makeover

 
Remember that old trunk that I was working on upcycling?  I finally got it out of the back of my truck and have been working on it for the past few weeks.

  It was rusted more than I anticipated, and so most of the exterior work has just been to remove the sharp pieces that could potentially cut me or one of the fur-kids.

  The interior underwent multiple reworks.  Originally I painted it all white with the intention of doing a gingham pattern with blue and yellow stripes to make a green crosshatch, but that didn't go as planned.  Especially after I got blue paint on my yellow carpet, and Charlie peed on the paper I had protecting the carpet.
 

  Then I poured yellow circles on a blue background with the intention of making the yellow dots look like roses, but they turned out to look more like bloodshot monster eyes and really kinda creepy.
 

   I finally decided to staple leftover quilt fabric that I had used to recover some chairs, and that is my final answer, Regis.  I added legs to help keep the rusty bottom up off the rug.  I'm probably going to get a poster frame that I can cut down the acrylic to place over the fabric just to protect it from stains and dirt.

  The interior will stay white, and eventually, I will repaint the bottom of the tray since it is white with odd blue and yellow marks from sitting on wet paint on the paper while I was working on it.  But what I can't see won't bug me, so it's not high on my do*do*to*do list.  The rusty exterior adds to the charm and doesn't bother me either.

  My next project will be doing something with the lid, and I have thought of turning it into a bookcase in the bedroom by my vintage meditation chair.  I could screw it into the wall to keep it from tipping over and just use the existing shelf, maybe adding one or two with the wood that is there.   The vintage patterned fabric I ordered for the wooden rose chair upcycle will work in it, and I may tear it into strips and glue it like it could be a quilt.