27 Jan 24

     It has been a bit of a roller coaster week, which apparently exhausted me physically as well as mentally.  I slept 12 hours last night, waking about 1230p this afternoon.  The few hours of daylight before the rains set in were kept busy getting things done to my car that cold weather has had me procrastinating.  Needless to say, it was the first day since starting The Artist's Way on the 7th that I've not gotten my morning pages done.  

    Those are actually the easiest parts of that shadow work.  It is the weekly tasks that are the most soul-searching and pain-revealing.  As I dig deeper into some of my childhood, I'm quite often shocked by what memories and feelings surface.  For example, last week I realized an event I had glossed over to be a weekend of meeting some British sailors, and touring a British aircraft carrier when I was 16 was actually something more.  My stepfather had met them while he was out at a bar one night, and about 12 of them later spent a weekend at our house after a day of drinking.  What I had blocked was actually an event where I was molested by two of the men.  It was quite a surprise to look back at what happened with older eyes and see it for what it really was.  I realize now that it subconsciously shaped many of my choices in the future, and what I thought "being liked" was.  I also realized that the conscious action of not saying something to my mother, or stepfather, may have been self-preservation and to protect the very men who had molested me from my stepfather's temper.

    The other difficult part of The Artist's Way has been taking myself out for weekly *dates.*  Something which will become easier as the weather warms up.  It has just been too cold to really get out and do much, plus I will confess that funds have been a bit tight, and treating myself has not been a priority.  That too will be changing.  My first real *date* will be an art one at my favorite place for art dates ... The Wren's Nest Art Studio.  I've signed up for another one in March as well, which I will share as it gets closer.

    Since I've decided that this year will be my year of self-care and growth, I'm also going to be jumping into 100 Days of Wonder 2024 which begins on 18 February.   Participants will be provided with a one-word prompt each day.  That prompt can inspire art, poetry, or (if you know me you know ...) stories.  I will be posting my participation here in whatever form the word moves me each day.

    I start my new position at work this coming Monday, and I'm looking forward to the change of pace.  I will have to freshen up my Nancy Drew hat since I will be working on issues getting providers' claims and authorizations processed.  It will be similar to the work I've done in the past and I'm looking forward to it.   Sunday's project will be to get my office and desk in order ... but first my morning pages, and a Spirit Jam session with Colette Barnes-Reid.

    Wishing you a creative and prosperous week ... 💚 Ci