thursday...

  It's been a weird week for me, and twice I've gotten my days mixed up.  Stress, I think.  Overwhelm.  Monday was a bit of an early rise for the drive again to Hot Springs for a dental visit and more fillings.  This is the view from the office, and some of the fall colors:

  After that was done, I thought I would go to Gathright Dam and Lake Moomaw [<links] to see more of the fall colors.  Let's just say I found water, but I have no idea where I was or if it was Lake Moomaw.

  After passing the same houses more than once, with my gas gauge clicking down, I made a decision to reset Google Maps to take me home instead.  The damn lake will have to wait until another time.  I did pass by The Homestead [<link] which was absolutely massive, and not at all what I was expecting it to be since all of the signs I'd seen were brown (usually indicative of some historical, state or national park, or natural site, like a waterfall).  It's a bit over the top and in reading up on it, I'm not sure I could have afforded to look any longer than I did in passing it while driving.  The $150M restoration [<Wiki link] that was completed in 2023 needs more than my meager income to be profitable. Ouch!

  Tuesday morning was a really early wake-up to get my pre-ops done before my knee replacement surgery a week from tomorrow.  No caffeine was ingested until well after the lunch hour, so I felt in a brain fog most of the day, even after a frosty diet Pepsi.  

  That afternoon I got a copy of the Utah Sheriff's investigation into my nephew's December 2023 disappearance in Paducah, Kentucky.  It starts with January 2024 when they found the Jeep he was driving at the time he disappeared to when they found his remains on 5 October 2025.  Their case has not yet been closed, pending the final "autopsy" report, and whether or not they were able to find anything on his phone after it had been charged.

  I'm a fan of forensic shows and so the details of how his remains were found wasn't disturbing.  When I'd been told that "remains" were found, not a body, it told me he had been dead for quite some time, most likely since December 2023 since he wasn't dressed for the weather in the area the Jeep or the remains were found.  What has been most upsetting for me that last few nights are just thoughts of him dying alone and afraid.

  I had a dream not long after I found out he'd gone missing, where he came to me and said it wasn't intentional.  He hadn't planned on disappearing; he just found himself in a bad situation that he couldn't get out of.

  His remains were found about two and a half walking hours away from where the Jeep was found.  The Jeep had gotten stuck on a rock, with one of the front tires showing that it had "spun" in the dirt.  There was no snow found under it, so he had gotten stuck before the foot of snow that it was found in had fallen.  The Jeep was out of gas, so if it was late in the day, he might have stayed the night in the Jeep before setting out the next day to what he may have thought was the nearest town or gas station.  He wasn't dressed for a Utah December; he was only wearing sneakers on his feet. His remains were found near a riverbed, with his backpack found near a large log in what might have been an attempt to take shelter from the weather.  His jeans still had his wallet, ID, credit cards and money in them.

  We will always have unanswered questions about what happened, and why.  But I don't believe it was suicide, or a desire to die.  I think it just was what he said in my dream ... he found himself in over his head.

  Still ... 💔 Ci