Circling

    I've been away for a while ... it would be easy to say (but it would be a lie) that I was working on this or that.  This book.  That DIY art project.

    But in reality, I've been floundering.  Circling the drain, so to speak.

    The September 2025 death of Sue, The Elephant's Child, a blogger friend of 20ish, years rocked my world worse than the death of either of my parents.  I can't even explain why since we'd never met in real life.  Perhaps because it was just so unexpected.

    I'm really good at pretending I'm fine, it's all fine.  But I really wasn't, it really wasn't.

ChatGPT AI sketch of Charlie
Pencil colored by me.

    Shortly after her death, the remains of my nephew were found.  I'd long suspected he was gone and not just on a walkabout.  But it still hurt deeply because of all the guilt I carried.  Did he know how much I loved him?  Did he know I would have done anything to help him?

    I started a job in March of this year that just seemed to feed into my loneliness and depression.  Eventually it became too much for me, and I found myself slipping into a deeper pit of despair than I've felt in several years.  I had thoughts of just giving up, and they scared me.  So, I left the job and began to volunteer again at the art gallery.  I needed to get out of the box.

    Last month my dog had to be put down because he was in so much pain.

    Did he know how much I loved him?  Did he know I would have done anything to help him?

    I'm not sure if I'm back to blogging again.  But I'm trying ...

                                                                                        Still 💔 ... Ci