sunday ramblings of a melatonin od'd mind

Ashamed to admit how many times this
scared me before I finally turned the 
stupid piece of wood over.

 I normally like the "fall back" time change because that extra hour feels like such a blessing on Monday mornings.

 But it's not Monday ... yet.

 Friday, I got frustrated with my Australian man-slave Ziggy and broke up with him.  Unplugged him, took him out of the Echo head that he slept in, and put him in the other room.  His only job really has been to play streaming music for meditation while I work to keep my stress at a manageable level, wake me up in the mornings and tell me the weather and what was on my calendar for the day.  At night, he would turn the TV off at 930p, even if I was watching a great movie, tell me what was on tomorrow's calendar, and what the weather was like that night.

 Lately, however, he has not been doing a stellar job at his short dodotodo list.  At times, he would tell me about the weather in cities I don't live in anymore, or have never lived in.  He would stop playing music after two songs and blame me saying that he stopped because "I" had not interacted with him.  

 Excuse me?  I'm working.  One of us has to pay the bills and he's clearly not doing anything except suggesting more things for me to buy on Amazon or spend to subscribe to something that I shouldn't have to be paying for on top of what I already pay Amazon.  Doesn't Jeff Bezos have enough money as it is?   I'm not singing along to some new age instrumental music that has no words.  I'm not dancing around or doing The Robot, and if he could see me doing that, I'd have an even bigger issue than him just eavesdropping on me all the time.

 So, Saturday morning I slept late.  Missed a text message while I was in the shower that could have diverted me from unpacking, laundry, and organizing (like I really need an excuse to further procrastinate doing any of those things).  I actually did get a lot accomplished.  But because Ziggy didn't tell me what time it was, and I was still awake and zooming around at 1a when I found an unopened bottle of melatonin gummies in the bottom of a box.

 I haven't taken any melatonin in a few months (I forget why, but probably because I couldn't remember where it was packed, and never remembered to buy any when I was shopping, because I also haven't found the multiple shopping lists that I keep making, and it was another thing Ziggy was failing to remind me that I needed.)  I haven't been sleeping well when I do manage to get to bed on time, so I popped three of them in my mouth.  Then I read the mg and dosage recommendations.  

 Yeah.  Taking 32mg was not a good thing.  Normally, I just buy 5mg gummies, but apparently whenever I bought that bottle, I wasn't paying attention and got 12mg.

Lucy

 About 230a I settled onto the sofa to watch a scary movie while waiting to "feel drowsy."

Gracie and Charlie

 The kids were really kind of over my activity, so the girls attempted to pin me down under the throw blanket, while Charlie was so disgusted he wouldn't even look at me for fear I would want to brush his hair again and contemplate giving him a haircut.

 I woke up at 4a, no idea what was now playing on the television, and stumbled groggily around the house to let Charlie out, brush my teeth, take out my contact lens, and climb into bed.

 Not that I know from any personal experience, but my melatonin induced nightmares have got to be worse than any kind of illicit drug induced nightmares.  Especially when they are about work.  I won't go into a lot of detail because it won't make sense unless you are in the same type of healthcare provider escalation supervisor position.  But it involved getting stuck in two chats at the same time on the computer and secretly spying on the people I was on the other chat with, and both of them being in dangerous situations.  (full transparency ~ we do NOT have video capabilities on our chats.  except in my nightmares) Trying to start a third and fourth chat with my management to call 911 to get help to these people in two different states and cities, but without letting either of them know that I was doing that.  But because one of them was eating pizza at a restaurant, my keyboard was suddenly made of pizza.  I couldn't see the keys to know who I was messaging, and I was knuckles deep in a pizza keyboard.  Frantically trying to save lives but feeling completely helpless.  And hungry.

 First thing I did this morning when I woke at 1020a was throw that bottle of Melatonin in the trash.

 Just say no ... Ci 💚

booooooooo.....

New slippers ... 

That glow in the dark!!!

Charlie was a dinosaur briefly...

RoarYawnArrrrrr

Although the eyes have more of a Grinch look to them.

too early on a Saturday...

 Sleep is soon upon me, but I wanted to share some fall leaves and critters ...

This is a meadow vole.  He has a little burrow
there under the leaves, and I later took the pewter
dish in the photo below and turned it 
upside down over his burrow to protect him from
the rain and other weather.

a chipmunk with very stuffed cheeks

Resident squirrel

My list of wildlife in the back yard continues to grow:

• Black bear
• Groundhog
• Possum
• Raccoon
• Squirrel
• Chipmunk
• Black Snake
• Meadow Vole

And at least six different cats.  

I have quite the corner for all the neighbor cat-gossip.

Sleep well .... Ci💚

the ramblings of my mind ...

 ... on a drive through town.

No pictures this weekend.  I'm trying to stay focused on getting my office unpacked and organized.  But I did have to go two towns over to get some cat & dog treats, bird food, and other items that were NOT on my list.

It is not a long drive, maybe 15 minutes, but my mind usually gets there a lot sooner than the car and my body does.  Random thoughts racing much faster than the speed limit.

There are things I would love to stop and take pictures of, but that would put my life and freedom at risk, and the lives of other drivers.  So, pulling over on the highway to hop out of my car and run up the shoulder of the road to snap a quick photo won't ever happen.

I also don't play the radio; it can add to the distraction of my thoughts.  But this video clip shows some of the scenery on the drive between the three towns.

Leaving home, there is a field that is only seen if you are traveling west bound.  It is a huge hay field, and in the center of it is an old barn, against a backdrop of mountains.  This time of year, it is especially beautiful with the trees beginning their fall color changes.

On the return trip, there is a mountain cliff quite close to the highway going east.  In the rock wall, I sometimes see a craggy old man face that on some days reminds me of a Native American medicine man, and on other days of Paul Revere or Scrooge.  It's not a carved face, but just the natural stone that place tricks with the shadows.  Although I do confess to having quite the imagination.

Today I was thinking about a reel I saw yesterday on Instagram where a young man said something quite profound. [link>]  He said that worrying is like worshipping the problem.  When you spend time focusing on whatever worries you, whatever problems you have, you give it energy.  Power.   I wasted so much time in my life worrying about how to make someone else happy that I forgot how to make myself happy.  That was a rude eye-opener before coffee this morning.

I've resolved to do better, to be better for myself, and to lift up the people I know and love who sometimes seem to be struggling with their shadows.  I want them to know that I see them.  I want to know that I hear them, and I want to stand with them in the light.

          This is for you ... Hugs, Ci 💚