27 Jan 24

     It has been a bit of a roller coaster week, which apparently exhausted me physically as well as mentally.  I slept 12 hours last night, waking about 1230p this afternoon.  The few hours of daylight before the rains set in were kept busy getting things done to my car that cold weather has had me procrastinating.  Needless to say, it was the first day since starting The Artist's Way on the 7th that I've not gotten my morning pages done.  

    Those are actually the easiest parts of that shadow work.  It is the weekly tasks that are the most soul-searching and pain-revealing.  As I dig deeper into some of my childhood, I'm quite often shocked by what memories and feelings surface.  For example, last week I realized an event I had glossed over to be a weekend of meeting some British sailors, and touring a British aircraft carrier when I was 16 was actually something more.  My stepfather had met them while he was out at a bar one night, and about 12 of them later spent a weekend at our house after a day of drinking.  What I had blocked was actually an event where I was molested by two of the men.  It was quite a surprise to look back at what happened with older eyes and see it for what it really was.  I realize now that it subconsciously shaped many of my choices in the future, and what I thought "being liked" was.  I also realized that the conscious action of not saying something to my mother, or stepfather, may have been self-preservation and to protect the very men who had molested me from my stepfather's temper.

    The other difficult part of The Artist's Way has been taking myself out for weekly *dates.*  Something which will become easier as the weather warms up.  It has just been too cold to really get out and do much, plus I will confess that funds have been a bit tight, and treating myself has not been a priority.  That too will be changing.  My first real *date* will be an art one at my favorite place for art dates ... The Wren's Nest Art Studio.  I've signed up for another one in March as well, which I will share as it gets closer.

    Since I've decided that this year will be my year of self-care and growth, I'm also going to be jumping into 100 Days of Wonder 2024 which begins on 18 February.   Participants will be provided with a one-word prompt each day.  That prompt can inspire art, poetry, or (if you know me you know ...) stories.  I will be posting my participation here in whatever form the word moves me each day.

    I start my new position at work this coming Monday, and I'm looking forward to the change of pace.  I will have to freshen up my Nancy Drew hat since I will be working on issues getting providers' claims and authorizations processed.  It will be similar to the work I've done in the past and I'm looking forward to it.   Sunday's project will be to get my office and desk in order ... but first my morning pages, and a Spirit Jam session with Colette Barnes-Reid.

    Wishing you a creative and prosperous week ... 💚 Ci 

18 Jan 24

    I finished my Vision Board on Monday, and the week has continued with a few good things.

    The second winter storm hit Monday with about 2" of snow throughout the day.  It did not let up until early morning Wednesday and we got almost 4" total.  We hadn't gotten snow like this since January of 2021.

    There is another storm coming in tonight that will last until Saturday sometime, but I'm not sure if we will get much snow with that or just the freezing temperatures and winds.  Although the forecast is now showing snow tonight from 9p to about 10a, with the weekend of below-freezing temperatures.

    I did offer the roommates the full West Virginia winter cultural experience of being able to shovel snow.  Only Christian was willing to take me up on the offer (Charlie supervised for a little while).  But first, I had to send him in to put on socks and gloves in the below-20F temps.  Otherwise, his next cultural experience would have been frostbite!

    He and Aila later did a super cute reel on Facebook (<link) of them going sledding for the very first time on pieces of cardboard in the park behind the house.  They are two of my five roommates from the Philippines.

    🎉Tuesday I got an offer for the job I interviewed for last week and accepted it.  It is a healthy pay increase that makes my "put down roots" goal closer to a reality.  I start on the 29th of this month.🎉

    The Jeep that my nephew was in when he went missing was found on Wednesday ... in a Utah National Forest.  However, he has not yet been found.   Utah is a long way away from Kentucky, and I thought maybe he was heading to California, where my ex's widow still lives in the house Justin used to spend summers with Jay and me before we divorced.  I think those times were some of the happiest of his childhood before their family fractured with injuries, divorces, death, and his little brother becoming paralyzed ... 

    ... just like how Germany is my magical memories place, I think that house was his.  I called the detective working the case from Kentucky and gave him the address of where he might be heading.  I also filled him in on some of the family history and what his frame of mind might have been.  I don't think Kim (Jay's widow) has kept in touch with him or is aware of what has been going on, and if Justin was able to reach out to her and convince her to let him come visit (his pattern when he is using meth and out of money and options), he might have tried to get there.  The detective was going to reach out to Los Angeles County law enforcement authorities and see if they could follow up at that end.

    Wherever you are in the world ... or in life ... remember to hug the ones you love (2 or 4-legged) and also remember that no matter how dark the night gets, the sun will always come up tomorrow.  There is nothing, nothing, that doesn't change or get better.  You are loved.

    Stay warm.  Stay cool.  Stay strong.            💚 Ci

13 Jan 24

    It has been a hectic week, and my brain was apparently running a day ahead for my last post which was actually done on the 7th, not the 8th, and has now been corrected.  It was actually the fault of a new lunar calendar I have which starts the week on Monday, not Sunday.

    We are at the beginning of our second winter storm since the beginning of the year.  Right now it is 27F/-3C  with a "feels like" 18F/-8C.  Snow is forecast for Monday.  But by Tuesday night, they are projecting a low of  9F/-13C.

    There is still nothing about my missing nephew.  As of the 8th, police were going to subpoena his bank records.  Henry, my cousin Sharon's cat, is hanging tough and for that I am grateful.

    Monday afternoon I did an introduction video for a job promotion and was asked to interview again on Thursday.  This is actually a position I had interviewed for almost a year ago and it went to a (well-deserving) co-worker at that time.  I found out this week that the hiring manager had actually wanted to hire both of us then but could not.  She reached out to my current supervisor to ask last October if I was still interested in it (but never received a response).  Fortunately, I saw it pop up again and re-applied.  Even better, this time I'm 99.99% certain that I got the position.

    The Universe always has good things in mind ...

    I just realized that Thursday morning, before my interview, I had gone into town to get a money order to deposit some of the roomies' utility payments, and was surprised when one of the cashiers asked if I wanted a free bouquet in a vase of a dozen red roses.  Uh, sure?  So it was almost a congratulations bouquet in advance.  I think it has been about 30 years (if not more) since anyone gave me a dozen red roses.  

    I did go look at one of the houses I had my eye on this afternoon.  One of them is currently rented as an Airbnb until March and can't be viewed, so I only looked at the older (less cared-for) home next door.  It was the one I was actually considering because of the size of the lot.  Both of them must have been owned by the same person in the past because they have similar mosaic work on the walls and floors throughout the house, but this one is 30 years older (it was built in 1905) and not cared for as well since the mosaic makers sold it.  As much as I loved the quirkiness of the mosaic, this was a hard no on making an offer.  It needs a lot of work inside and out, plus it is uncomfortably close to the road.

    I've been able to keep up with my morning pages as part of The Artist's Way and found that doing them in my bedroom chair instead of at my work desk is much better.  I apparently have a bit of an AD ... squirrel! ... HD issue.

    Tuesday morning I started a free Vision Board Challenge with Colette Baron-Reid that has been just incredible.  It is only a seven-day webinar, but I have already seen some amazing things happening in my life ... and I don't even have my board finished!  

    This month, this first quarter of the year (The Artist's Way is a 12-week workbook), is certainly making me do some emotional housekeeping!  It's a good thing.

    Hugs for the coming week ... stay warm ... or cool if you are in the Southern Hemisphere.  💚 Ci

7 Jan 24

Gracie Mae

     I was not fully over the stomach virus until Wednesday.  When I called my doctor that morning, they said there was really nothing to do other than stay hydrated and ride it out.  Which is what I had been doing anyway as best I could.

    The week was a merry-go-round of emotions, mostly the sad ones, which is why it was more of a merry-go-round than a roller coaster.  Changes at work with my position.  My cousin's cat was diagnosed with lymphoma.  Still, no sign of my nephew missing now since before Christmas.

    I started working on The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron this morning.  Those three pages of longhand writing every morning are going to be a killer for the arthritis in my right thumb, but I will continue for the full 12 weeks, then maybe go to writing on the computer.

    The hard part will likely be The Artist Date once a week this month when my budget will be tighter.  I am signing up for two painting classes in February, however, and one in March.

    I may use this coming Saturday, the 13th, as my "date" day.  I will be going to look at two houses for sale, although I do already have my heart set on one of them.  I will have to share pictures after seeing it, but I think that when you see it, you will understand why I think it will be a perfect fit for me.

    Here's to a much better week ... hugs, Ci

New Year's Day ... and other thoughts ...

    For many years I've had several New Year's Eve "rituals." I would do all of the cleaning, purging, and organizing of things that signified the end of the year.  Freshly laundered sheets on the bed and those types of things.  There was a Southern wives' tale that whatever you did on New Year's Day you would be doing all year, so I wanted to get all of my Domestic Goddess chores done on the 31st so I could spend the 1st doing things I enjoyed.  Arts & crafts.  Writing.  Being in nature.

    Unfortunately, none of that happened yesterday because I was violently ill all day.  So I'm being especially intentional with my words and actions today.

    Another of my NYE rituals was burning the little slips of paper in my "God box."  The people, places, things, events, emotions, etc., that I had turned over to a Higher Power to get it off my heart and shoulders, or out of my head.  I also started a routine of taking a shower just a few minutes before midnight to "wash away" the ending year, and step into the new year clean and ready for the coming good.

    I did manage to do both things last night, although my shower was about two hours before midnight here.  (it was midnight somewhere, that's my story and I'm sticking to it)   My slips of paper also evolved over the past two months to being intentional words of forgiveness, letting go and release.  Forgiving myself, or others who had harmed me in my past.  Letting go of my negative feelings about what happened (guilt, shame, humiliation, anger, pain, resentment).  Releasing myself to be joyful, or releasing the others to be who they always were and not who I thought they were or wanted them to become.  It was immensely healing, especially the cathartic process of watching the pieces of paper burn last night.

    In early December, I got a beautiful deck of journaling prompts from Tamed Wild [<link], and have decided that I will incorporate them into my blog here on random days.  Today's for example was a simple and easy one: I am happy today because... I have stopped throwing up!  Dry heaving water is not fun at all.   

My friendships with both
ended at the same
time. Jay moved and
Rick showed an
ugly jealous side.

    Not exactly profound, but honest.  I journaled some of them in December, but not the full deck, and the ones that I felt were the most amazing, were writing a story about my future, and the letters to my younger and future selves.

    I also ordered a book called The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron [<link there], on the recommendation of a beautiful woman I recently started following on Instagram, Gina Luker, who is restoring a 200-year-old home in Alabama.  However, honestly, the book had been in my shopping cart for at least two years.  I just kept pushing it down in exchange for craft supplies, or most recently, Diwali ornaments and stocking stuffers.  I cannot wait to see what happens in her new home and to catch up on the restoration of the first home that started it ... The Shabby Creek Cottage.

    My friend, Erica, sent me a page from one of her past journals this morning, and with her permission, I am sharing it here.

*in this time between snowflakes and sunshowers...* i heard a voice in the silence whisper:  learn everything you can.  there won't be many moments like this so be still and watch the world spiral around you.  ask questions.  be curious about yourself, the world, the connections that you seek, the future you would like to create... and start now, for this is reality. this is the time to give yourself all the love you have been seeking.  a time to face and embrace the shadows, to love yourself completely for all that has passed and all that has yet to come exists in this moment.  meet yourself there... 

My January tree

    I love that this life of mine is evolving with every turn of the wheel and that there are creatives in it.  Erica.  Jane and her Wren's Nest Art Studio at Thornbush [<link].  Gina. 

    This is the year of my forever home.

    And full transparency:  my links are just links, not affiliate links.