Found a good use for one of my WI truck tags. |
Tuesday, June 29, 2021
Sunday, June 27, 2021
with my eyes closed ...
There have always been certain sounds that I associate with different times of the year, seasons, and sometimes places.
The sound of jets flying overhead will always be one I connect with my townhouse in Florida that sat across the bay from the Tyndall Air Force Base runways.
A lone trumpet playing taps ... Fort Hood, Texas where I could hear them being played every night from the Army post across the highway.
I don't think I have any good sound memories from Ashland, Wisconsin, or the Michigan Upper Peninsula unless it was the sound of the frog peepers announcing spring had finally arrived. Or the sound of quiet with the first heavy snowstorm that muffled everything outside into an eerie silence.
Here, however, in White Sulphur Springs there are certain sounds that I have already associated with it. The sound of the train blowing its whistle as it comes into or through the station. I've become so accustomed to it, that it no longer wakes me. This morning, the sound of church bells ringing, which didn't wake me but was a new sound I hadn't heard before.
Sounds of home...
Saturday, June 26, 2021
Saturday ...
It has been a busy, mind-overwhelming week of training. At 3a the other night [insomnia] I likened it to high school (or college) algebra. The instructor wants you to memorize and understand multiple complicated formulas and for the majority of us, all we'll ever need is basic math and a calculator that can do algebra for that one in a million time we need it. Right now we are getting trained on a lot of different scenarios, with a huge amount of information to look up and be aware of. But we will likely never need it. For now, it is really teaching us research skills for that one call that we will need the answers to ~ and even at that, we are probably going to transfer the call to a dedicated team.
I may see what a bag of Quick Crete costs to make some of my own pavers, using the ones broken in April, and maybe some other decorative broken dishes. I haven't decided what do to about an angel garden here, and have been thinking about getting a large wine cask half made of resin to use on the patio so that I can keep a garden in sight. I could plant shade perennial flowers in it that will bloom throughout the season, and have also been thinking of putting Trooper and Oreo's ashes in the bottom of it before I plant. My intentions originally were to have my ashes mingled with theirs and then scattered, but since my ashes will not come back to anyone, there is no point in waiting. I don't anticipate moving again before I die.
Since my office is now upstairs, and bird-watching not as frequent, I'm moving some of the feeders to the front yard where the futon sits by a window for the cats to people watch. Gracie likes to nap in the afternoon sun there, and it has become a convenient place for me to take off shoes or boots when I come in. I need to get attractive coat hooks for the wall, and my entryway will be complete.
Healthwise, my weight has been holding, fluctuating up and down by one pound. Gastro discomfort and inconveniences continue. Tongue ulcers have beaten me into defeat and I asked my doctor for a steroid ointment because the Orajel is not numbing them long enough and they are taking longer to heal and disappear. Afternoon fevers and night sweats continue. Occasional lightheadedness and exhaustion. Naps are being added to my weekend agendas. The CT scans scheduled for the 13th cannot come soon enough. I'm ready for some answers.
Wednesday, June 23, 2021
Friday, June 18, 2021
wait ... what???
The climbing rose bush that ended up being 100% in the shade is still hanging in there and has even started to bloom. But that's where it gets weird.
As you can see in the photo here, there is an obvious yellow rose on it. In the lower-left, you might be able to see the white rose that I shared a picture of yesterday.
The white doesn't appear to have been grafted, but it also appears to be more of a "climber" than the yellow one does in that it is a little more flexible and would be easier to gently tie to the fence to encourage an upward momentum.
I think I have a very confused rose bush that can't decide what it wants to be. If it starts blooming pink and red as well, I don't think I will be surprised.
almost midnight on a thursday ...
Token flower photo inserted here just to keep from being boring. |
Despite what the doctor ISN'T saying, I've begun to realize that whatever "this" is, it isn't good. I can read between the lines of the referrals to specialists that he has been giving me, and when the word malignant is used as something they need to be looking for ... well, it is what it is.
To be honest, I'm a bit relieved. I think I really stopped living the day Trooper died and just began existing as a placeholder in time and space. I've selected a couple to share my living will responsibilities and medical directives. I've made my wishes known to my doctor. But I am not suicidal. What I am is at peace with it, and I don't want to spend whatever time, even if years, puking my guts out from chemo or radiation. What a miserable way to live ... or die.
Priorities change when you realize that life may be shorter than expected. Choosing joy, choosing laughter, become more of a priority. Eliminating negativity ... including toxic people ... doing the things I choose to do and not being manipulated into feeling guilty for them .... Things I wish I had done sooner, but some lessons we have to learn the hard way in order to appreciate the good when it comes.
I don't want the blog to become a downer to read, so will try not to dwell on this very often. I've decided to start a "mid-year resolution" and do some home cooking on Sundays, trying the many recipes I tear out of my magazines every month. A new friend, Annie, and her son may join me occasionally. My bucket list is a work in progress, tho I'm certain that some things I will never be able to do. Instead, I may just decide to wing it and see where life continues to take me.
Last night when I was struggling to fall asleep, my brain kept circling the drain with the "alone" demons and the temptation to hate and blame *him.* Eventually, I was able to fall asleep and had a rather pleasant dream of wearing a straw cowboy hat, holding hands, and flirting with a man who bore a resemblance to Matthew McConaughey while listening to music at a festival much like tonight.
My first thought when I woke up was "Damn. I need to get me a straw hat."
Choose joy. Choose laughter.
Sunday, June 13, 2021
blah, blah, blah ...
A boring post without photos because I've been working like crazy, and it has been raining like tigers and wolves this week, so my flowers are all sad-looking but well hydrated.
Doctor visit this past Wednesday. More blood tests ~ six vials and two culture bottles! I'm surprised I had blood left! Some of the tests have come back, highs and lows. A new medication for my diabetes. Add an iron supplement, stop a B one. Referrals to three other specialists, two CT scans, colonoscopy, mammogram ... the usual tortures. I suspect he suspects it is cancer, but I'm not jumping to any conclusions and will wait to see how things play out. I continue to lose weight without trying, and now weigh less than I have in the past 35 years, maybe longer. Almost 16# in just over two months.
Because I start training for a new job tomorrow, I cannot miss any time from work until training is over in about two and a half weeks. Even then, I don't want to take more than one day off a month unless I have no options.
I did spot a new "neighbor" sneaking off the back patio the other morning ... a [short tail shrew] ... and the night before there was another animal on the patio that I did not see or hear, but Charlie did. Baby bird grackle flew the nest just a few days after rescue, and while I'm happy for it, I was disappointed to have missed that first flight. I also have a very cheeky small red squirrel that jumps up onto the chair closest to the kitchen door to give me a "wassssup" look before I let Charlie out. It is much cuter than the fat grey squirrel that has chewed a larger opening in the plastic on my favorite feeder.
I decided not to attend the Renaissance Festival in nearby Lewisburg this year. The weather is hot, humid, and too many thunderstorms with wild lightning. I also noticed in photos posted on social media that it did not appear to be a festival of creativity and/or anachronisms, but more of a festival of "how creative can the women be in minimal clothing while still being a 'family-friendly' event." I didn't want to spend the time miserably hot and sweaty, nor the money to walk through the gate only to turn and walk out shortly thereafter.
Until next time ... and hopefully with photos.
Tuesday, June 8, 2021
Operation BBR
The storm knocked me offline for about an hour of work, and there was a lightning strike in one of the neighboring yards. I hate when they are that close.
This morning I realized that there was a flowering tree in the yard next door, and so wandered over to take a few pictures. I think, but am not positive, that it is a dogwood tree, which if it is I'm quite excited about. When taking the close-up of one of the blossoms, I had not realized there was a large bug of some kind on it, and probably would have chosen a different blossom to focus on if I had.
I purchased a hanging fern and put it in the top of that where it would be secure, and hung it in one of the trees off the patio where the parents could see and hear it. I can also see it from the kitchen door window to see if they come back for it.
While watching to see if the parents came back, I was also watching a very funny little squirrel that was stealing seeds and burying them in the yard. She would dig a small hole, put the seeds in, then pat the dirt back over it again as if she was patting a bowl of bread dough to see if it had risen properly.
I need to stop procrastinating and get down to the business of moving my office upstairs. I start training for a new project next week, and while I will have weekends off, I don't want to do it next Sunday. I could wait a few more months, but the clutter right now is impacting my mental state. I was awake at 4a this morning thinking about it, and not for the first time in the past few months. Once I get it upstairs, I can close that door when I am done working and don't have to walk "through" my office on my off days. Plus, I've been dealing with consistent fevers in the late afternoons and evenings, and don't want to be lugging boxes, tubs, and my desk upstairs when they start today.
Sunday, June 6, 2021
Sundays ...
The inside was just gorgeous, tho I kept hearing Robin Leach's voice from Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous reminding me that I have champagne wishes, caviar dreams, and a cheap beer budget.
I did buy a calendar for next year, but only because it had some amazing-sounding recipes in it that I can't wait to try. Especially the crusted trout filet! There are several restaurants at the resort, and I think I will make it a goal to eat at all of them at least once. Special occasions. Like Sundays ...
Saturday, June 5, 2021
Friday ...
One of the things I like about planting bulbs randomly in a garden bed is the excitement that comes when they start to bloom. I've long lost the picture showing me what they will look like, and have recycled the brain cells that would have remembered what I ordered. So they come up as a mystery and each bloom is a new surprise.
Some of the buds that have not yet opened appear to be white and yellow flowers. The image to the right doesn't show the delicate pink of the blossom.
The climbing rose bush I planted before I realized that the side yard would be completely shaded in the summer refuses to give up and is even putting out buds for flowers a little unexpectedly. I'm calling her Amazon Rose. I don't remember what color the blooms will be so it will be another surprise.
Tuesday, June 1, 2021
trunk makeover
Then I poured yellow circles on a blue background with the intention of making the yellow dots look like roses, but they turned out to look more like bloodshot monster eyes and really kinda creepy.
I finally decided to staple leftover quilt fabric that I had used to recover some chairs, and that is my final answer, Regis. I added legs to help keep the rusty bottom up off the rug. I'm probably going to get a poster frame that I can cut down the acrylic to place over the fabric just to protect it from stains and dirt.
My next project will be doing something with the lid, and I have thought of turning it into a bookcase in the bedroom by my vintage meditation chair. I could screw it into the wall to keep it from tipping over and just use the existing shelf, maybe adding one or two with the wood that is there. The vintage patterned fabric I ordered for the wooden rose chair upcycle will work in it, and I may tear it into strips and glue it like it could be a quilt.